We all hope to find love one day, some look for it in bars others look within their own friend groups but sadly one girl thought it would be a good idea to give herself cancer to emulate the movie The Fault in Our Stars and find love in a cancer patient' survival group. Sadly when she arrived it turned out the only people there were either greatly younger than her or dramatically older than her, but that didn't stop her, the first guy who gave her "the look" was poor old man Jeevus who sadly died from a heart attack caused from excessive exercise and wasn't able to be questioned about the statutory rape that he had committed.
But lucky for us we were able to get a hold of the young lady who murdered old man Jeevus but would like to remain anonymous. We asked why she did it and her only response was when he gave her that dead eyed look she couldn't resist making out and then instantly fucking him right there on the spot. When asked if that was a good choice she responded I'm not exactly the right person to ask if I make good decisions, I mean I got cancer to fall in love and committed manslaughter. When asked what she would do next in her life she explained she would spend the rest of her time as a secret super heroine C-Babe living out the rest of her days in jail and then she fell over convulsing on the floor drooling proclaiming all the men love her.
Now I guess we all can learn a lesson here today, finding love isn't like the movies and maybe giving yourself cancer is a terrible idea but we can all agree on one thing old man Jeevus was a dirty old man and deserved what happened to him.
Disclaimer: The events, characters and entities depicted in this blog are completely fictitious. And resemblance or similarity to any actual events, entities or persons, whether living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Yes sir, you are indeed going to hell for this. Not quite newsy, or satirical enough for the Onion, just evil sir lol.
ReplyDelete-General Dopeness