You know I kinda liked reviewing A Talking Cat!?! I liked it so much I'm going to start reviewing other garbage kid movies from Netflix. So let's start this shitstorm off with the classic 2011 flick Angel Dog. Also don't let that poster fool you, those eyes on that dog are actually that creepy.


You have learned well young Padawan.

So the movie begins with a kid playing with his dog to lame beginning credits music and we see that the whole family except for the dad is going on a hiking trip. Well they seem like a happy family hope nothing goes wrong. Pfffft yeah right they all die except for the dog in the most awkward car flip ever. Somehow the dog survives because apparently he can come out of that unscathed but all the humans die. Which can only mean one thing, dogs are Satan spawn.


This is the only way to take care Satan Spawn. 
Except for Corgis they're immune to the vacuum fear.

So the man is depressed and mopes around for about twenty minutes of this movie but in between clips of him in the fetal position looking as if he has the Taco Bell shits
we see the vet that's taking care of the dog. The vet thinks the man is a deadbeat who can't give two shits about his dog because apparently no one told them his family had died. So the lead vet lady who yet again is the obvious love interest of the man who's family recently died. Yep because the widowed man needs a love interest.


Well I guess sex will help me forget about my son's 
mangled dead body. 

So he finally gets off his sad ass and gets the dog and the bitch veterinarian lady treats the dog better than the man who has obviously been crying and is miserable and this is where I draw fucking line here. I hate people who can't show any sign of sympathy towards anybody and this is supposed to be our female lead and this is bullshit.


"Don't you dare compare what comes out of me
as that bitch."

So the dog refuses to go into a vehicle for obvious reasons so the man leave his car at the vets office and vet bitch gets overly aggressive towards the poor guy and just lets him leave his car behind. So the dog pretty much becomes his wife, I wish I was kidding any scene with them in a bed they're spooning and spooning with dogs doesn't seem normal to me.

But on meth it is....

And after yet another set amount of time the guy tries to get the dog into the car but it still refuses until it knocks over a box of stuff that was his son's. And he discovers dogs love balls. So he throws a ball into his car and the dumb dog falls for it.
And the female lead finally gets why he's sad, took her five fucking seconds to Google that shit. Why she couldn't do this before I have no clue but whatever. So instantly she becomes this nice person and becomes this love interest and is uncontrollably dull and this is when she finds out the dogs original owners are looking for Satan dog.


Pictured above, not Satan's dog.

So they travel to return the dog and they find that the original owners were never it's original owners at all. DUN DUN DUN! And they also reveal that they lost someone special to them when this dog came around. DUN DUN DUN! So the dog apparently feeds off the sadness of people and is some kinda demon that does that.
So this demon is going to have to leave someday and that day is soon because the bitch vet's mother dies. So like a stripper seeing someone with more money he runs over to her place and stops loving widow man. But she never really needed the dog since it seems her mourning period lasted two days and the dog ditches her too. And as the movie ends the two people fall in love or some shit and fuck.

So in retrospect this shit is as depressing as a puppy wearing a costume.


Please kill me.

This movie should not be viewed by anyone who is already depressed because this movie made me sad with its crappy story and terrible female lead. If you ever show this to a child they'll be more messed up by this than any other kids movie. This is more depressing than a Don Bluth movie and the ending of Old Yeller thrown into a blender.


But the real question is, will it blend?

I'm too depressed to actually give this a score, instead I'm going to go listen to the cure and cry in a corner because that's more happy than this shitpile of a movie.