Oz the Great and Powerful Review

Now here's a surprise, I actually really liked this movie. I actually prefer the books to the 1939 movie. Though it's in no means an adaption to any of the books, it mostly takes inspiration from them. Which is A-Okay in my book.

And it's A-Okay with my co-host, stock images.

So the movie starts off with us seeing how much of an assbag Oz was before going to Oz. And turns out he's a womanizing con artist like all good heroes. So we see him try to score with a farm girl and he gives her a music box but before this movie goes somewhere awesome he must do a performance. So he preforms and a little girl thinks he can heal her legs so she can walk again. Obviously he can't but the Kansas folk get angry at him because he's not Raptor Jesus.

Have you heard the good word of Raptor Jesus today?

So he runs out of there and calls his assistant a monkey and before he can spank the monkey he sees an old girlfriend of his and turns out she's getting married and lets him know because he's an asshole. As he puts it he wants to be a great man not a good man. But before he can give her a music box. the Strongman sees that he gave his woman a music box and Strongmad does not appreciate someone else banging his gal.

And Stongmad doesn't take shit from anybody.

So Oz runs away onto an air balloon and gets swept away into a bad colored transition and arrives in Oz. And Oz meets Mila Kunis and she's a witch, what kind of witch? Well that's a complicated answer so let's leave it at neutral. So she thinks that Oz is the wizard to set this land free from it's evil hold. So she takes him to the Emerald City and he gives her a music box and also along the way he saves a flying monkey from a reference. So the monkey becomes his servant.

Hopefully this doesn't turn to Monkey Shines. 

Just saying killer flying monkey way scarier than regular killer monkey.

So they arrive at the Emerald City and Evanora, Mila's sister, questions whether he's really the wizard they foresaw to free them. So she sends him on a quest to kill the Wicked Witch so he agrees only so he can recreate the intro to Ducktales everyday of his life.

Oz Tales WOOOoooOOOH!

\So him and his monkey helper travel down to the road and soon discover China Town and no not that China Town, a literal town made of fine China. Sadly it was recently attacked by flying monkeys and only on porcelain person seems to have survived but sadly her legs were destroyed so they get her a wheelchair and go down the road. Okay no Oz just glues her legs back and she wishes to travel with them but Oz says no because why lie she's made of fucking porcelain but she humps his leg and this changes his mind.

"Please don't leave without me!"

So they arrive in the Dark Forest and try to ambush the witch and steal her wand but it turns out she's actually Glinda the "Good" Witch but she explains that she's not the evil one here her sister Evanora is! PLOT TWIST that is unless you've read the books or seen any of the other movies. So before he can give her a music box it turns out Evanora was watching them and so was Mila and she sicks her army of flying monkeys and Winkies. Also it turns out Oz gave a music box to Evanora too and Mila is heartbroken at this and decides well I have nothing better to do with my life might as well eat an apple to make me evil. Because everyone knows apples are and will always be call evil.

PURE FUCKING EVIL!

So Glinda takes Oz and his friends to the safe zone where we meet the Quadlings, the Tinkers and the Munchkins. And let me say it right here, thank god there were midgets in this because if there weren't I was going to be pissed. So Glinda says well we need to take over the city of Oz and this is your army, are you a bad enough dude to help us. But before he can agree we see the new Mila and let me tell you they did a pretty good job at making her still hot with that layer of makeup.

Like Bad Ending Banjo and Kazooie Gruntilda sexy.

So Mila basically declares war with the peaceful folk of Oz and declares the yellow brick road will be red with the blood of her enemies. That's pretty grim, I like the direction that this movie went. So Oz conducts a plan that includes scarecrows, an image projector, smoke machine, tons of fireworks and a hot air balloon. So first he uses the scarecrows to fool the flying monkeys into the poppy fields. Which causes them to go into an eternal slumber. But before all of them can escape they capture Glinda. But no worries the rest of the plan didn't need her. So Oz gets into the Emerald City by fooling Bruce Campbell into letting him in.

Fool me once, shame on you. 

Fool me twice well that's called a boomstick to the face.

So Oz fools everyone that he's dead by filling his hot air balloon with money and letting Mila destroy it but unbeknownst to her he wasn't there but is now projecting an enlarged image of his head which is nice nod to the original story. This makes him seem invincible and the witches leave and happy endings for everyone!

So I can see why some people will call blasphemy to this movie when comparing it to the 1939 movie but I like it, as much as I poke fun of it it's a decent flick. I love the books and I've always wanted to see them made into more movies and see this creative world come to life. The original 1939 did a good enough job for it's time but nowadays we have a lot better technology to create this crazy fucking world and I'd like for them to explore this world even more and to separate itself from the 1939 movie and just take it's source from just the books. Also lay off the CGI, I want more practical effects.

So at the end of the day I can honestly give this movie 4 music boxes out of 5.