The Croods Review

This is what all family movies should strive to be, entertaining and a work of art. This is one of the most gorgeous worlds I've ever seen. All these characters are so well designed and so much different from one another and the creative and wonderful animals are just a thrill to look at.

Plus having Nicolas Cage doesn't hurt either.

So the movie starts out with some cave painting style 2-D animation and explains who the Croods are, a modern stone age family. All of their neighbors have sadly been killed in the most hilarious ways all for one good reason, they don't have Nicolas Cage as the man of the cave. His basic instincts are to listen to tradition and that new is bad. 

Never doubt the word of Nicolas Cage.

-Nicolas Cage

So then the actual movie starts and we see the Croods leaving their cave to go hunting. And my god when they're running it's just such smooth animation and almost feels like watching a marathon during the olyimpics. It's just so orgasmic.So they get an egg and it feeds everyone but Nic Cage's character but he says it's fine because hell we don't eat ever.

Fun Fact: Nicolas Cage can do this in real life too.

He receives sustenance through acting.

And like the cavemen they are darkness is a scary concept so everyone piles into the cave except for Emma Stone's character, she stays out and tries to catch the last ray of light. Which angers her father who in the next scene makes an example of her curiosity by telling a story that ends with the character dying, it seems he's done this story a few times already. So they sleep the night away until out of nowhere Emma sees a light from outside the cave and she discovers it's a boy who harnesses the power of fire.

Fun Fact: Nicolas Cage once awoke one night

to see a naked man eating a fudgecicle while he was sleeping.

The boy's name is Guy and he warns her of the coming of the end of days. She thinks he's crazy and he gives her a conch just in case she survives and wants to hook up later on. And before she can return to the cave her dad finds her and she's grounded but not before an earthquake destroys their cave and reveals a whole new world to them.

I was going to put an Aladdin picture here but

apparently everyone has to make their own fan adaption of that scene.

Nothing like seeing Aladdin with every other Disney Princess.

But this new, strange world isn't without it's dangers, a giant sabretoothed cat chases them and then there's the monkeys that kick Nic's ass. Then of course there's the land whale that gets eaten by piranha like birds. But because of Emma's quick thinking she summons Guy to the rescue them with his fire. Of course this causes them to forcibly trap Guy and have him lead them to safety. 

Also hollow logs make for great restraints apparently.

So then they begin the first ever road trip with annoying family problems and all. Then they finally stop so they can hunt and Guy shows them how to really hunt by using a trap. This has the group, except Cage, start accepting Guy more than Cage. We get a montage of all the wacky stuff they encounter and how Guy knows what to do.

Fun Fact: when Nic Cage's characters are sad, he's sad.

So Nic Cage goes through the worlds first mid life crisis and it causes Nic and Guy to get caught in a tar pit. So Guy comes up with an idea to get them out and Nic forgives him for all the crap he put Guy through. But before they hug the world is going boom. And they're trapped at a cliff and the only reasonable thing to do is for Nic Cage to throw everyone across the cliff and sacrifice himself.

Why yes, Nicolas Cage does have all eight virtues

 of the Avatar from the Ultima series.

So Nic is stuck in the destruction but finds a way over by using his brain and captures a bunch of piranha birds with tar and safely makes it over, and happy endings for all!

So in short this movie is simple but fun. You can expect to chuckle from all the physical humor and charming characters. So this movie gets four Nicolas Cages out of  five.